Managing Feeling Insignificant

 I took a survey asking what or who makes one feel insignificant.

And the results were:

• Not being heard by a spouse, partner, boss, children etc.
• Being put down, feeling unimportant, not worthy etc.
• When others do not move beyond your past and continuously use it to their advantage and not seeing the new and improved person.

What do you believe about yourself or say to yourself when no one is hearing or listening to the words coming from your mouth? Do you feel your comments or input does not matter; therefore, when you make suggestions and no one pays attention to what you say, do you let it go? Do you allow someone to reframe what you want to say, and they get it wrong? Learning to get your point across and being heard begins with understanding the comfort level from within and removing the feeling of trying to be accepted by the ones you want to listen to you.

• You must trust yourself and the feeling from within to speak and to be heard without yelling or screaming because how you feel will not go away; therefore, learn to change the tone of the conversation.
• Go to a mirror, practice speaking your point to yourself and allow yourself to hear what you are saying because learning to her yourself first will assist with others hearing you.

I spoke with a woman who has lived with her partner for over ten years. They have no kids and share a dog. Every time she has suggestions on any subject, whether purchasing a car, decorating the condo where they live, or choosing an outfit to wear when they go out, her partner always has something negative to say, even when she is speaking on the telephone with her friends, he jumps in the conversation correcting her on something she said.

The partner uses condescending language, such as you know nothing about cars, (even though she researched and shared her findings). He would say, “you are a woman and don’t know how buying a car works.” Or, she wanted to decorate the kitchen, and he criticized the colors she chose and the kitchen island she wanted. If she decided to wear jeans out to eat, he would have her put on a tighter or a loser pair; nothing is ever good enough, and he always commented on the shoes negatively. He tells her, “You don’t know anything, or you can never do anything right, or says she is stupid,” and makes her feel she is the problem.

She did not realize he had always been that person until a few years back when she began questioning everything she did and acknowledged she needed to get mentally healthy and started working on herself.

• Her first step was securing a local library card and going four days a week to read books of her choice without anyone’s input. She then ventured out to other books that focused on her growth. She continued this process for a year and never discussed it with her partner because she needed to find herself.
• Next, she signed up for a free online class.
• Once she started believing in herself, she became stronger and began to stand up for what she wanted, and it was not an easy process.
• Today she is still with her partner, and they both are in counseling.

I spoke with another person who was incarcerated for years for minor crimes and got out and turned his life around. Each time he was transparent on employment applications, his past life crimes continued to be a factor, and he did not get several jobs. When communicating with friends and family members, if he said he could work on a project such as building, painting, or being a handyman to help out, people would say oh, okay. Their body language, careful choice of words, and their preconception already created because of his past made him feel illiterate or ignorant.

• He learned to take control of his own life by believing in himself and not allowing others to inflict their insecurities on him.
• He created a schedule and learned about programs that could help with his growth because he had no power over his life for years.
• He connected with a mentor. 
• He learned to connect to people who had a different life from his past life.
• He had to put hours of work into his life, joining classes and programs.

With his determination, he landed a perfect job helping others and will forever work on his life because growing never stops.

Remember having a plan, being mindful, and being disciplined will guild through most challenges.