Learning to put self first

Why do we prioritize the needs and concerns of others over our own and invest a significant amount of energy in attending to others affairs before focusing on ourselves?

The subconscious mind is powerful and can tap into the past and recall deeply ingrained cultural programming, which is crucial. As a result, our thoughts, beliefs, and habits are impacted

mainly because we lack exposure to alternative perspectives and ways to alter the behavior associated with the past.

Here are a few steps to change the process:

1. Make small changes to your surroundings to change the emotions associated with the memories.
2. Create new experiences to create new thoughts and actions.

Reverse the gratification or control experienced when putting/helping others first by putting your needs first to gain self-meaning and purpose. How is this done?

1. Learn to reprogram beliefs stored by focusing on positive affirmations, visualization, meditations, and therapy.
2. Change at least one to adopt new ones by being kind to yourself, being open to learning more about yourself, and practicing the new habit consistently.

However, there are times to put others first and is mentally healthy; for example,

1. Time of crisis by providing support, encouragement, shelter, searching for help groups etc. 
2. Helping someone dealing with a challenging time by having a listening ear allows them to express their feelings and thoughts without judgment. Being present and understanding someone’s situation while acknowledging that it may take time to overcome whatever they are going through.

We must understand why we do what we do and know the difference between putting others first, helping others, and putting ourselves first will help to embrace life fully.

Putting others first – is prioritizing the needs, well-being and interests of others before your own needs. A willingness to place the benefit of others as a higher priority.

Healthy examples of putting others first:

1. Try performing a kind act for someone in a checkout line, such as paying for their coffee or tea, without seeking validation or acknowledging the significance of your action, simply doing it and moving forward.
2. You give your time, knowledge, assistance to support someone, to provide someone with something useful or necessary in achieving an end.

Understand the difference of someone taking advantage of the friendship/relationship, leaving you feeling imbalanced because the other person’s needs are always met, and yours neglected. The other person uses guilt trips and manipulation to get what they want at your expense and is not genuinely concerned about your happiness.

Helping others – is showing kindness and support without expecting something in return. It’s a way of connecting with others, and a healthier attitude develops. Offering your expertise to make a positive change. I found a few quotes that I will reference: “Be the blessing that others need.” Be the hand that lifts others.”

Putting self-first – taking into account your own needs and feelings and that of others and knowing what’s best for you to have a healthy mindset. No one will take care of you as you would take care of yourself. An old saying says people care for you and treat you as you do yourself, which does not mean being selfish or ignoring the needs of others.

Do we handicap others by providing too much and not encouraging them to grow to their full ability? For example, if a teacher/instructor always provides the answers, will the student develop to their full potential? It is crucial to secure your oxygen mask before assisting others. To effectively help others, one should first ensure their well-being and stability.

• Do you know your worth by acknowledging your needs and what makes you happy.
• How much energy and time do you spend on self mentally and self-care by exercising, and knowing your hobbies (do you know all the answers to the questions of the person you are putting first and yet can’t answer your questions)?
• Do you know when to say know and prioritize your time?
• Do you know the healthy boundary between self and others?

Doing something nice for someone (in the checkout line, paying for a coffee, tea, etc.), not sharing how you helped the other person and not believing you have done such a big thing. Just do it and keep it moving.

Life happens daily, and there will always be challenges for the rest of your life or time on earth. Learning to handle challenges is key to putting self-first.