A quick reminder before we start: I AM NOT A THERAPIST. I AM ONLY SHARING MY THOUGHTS.
First and foremost, family, friends and enemies contribute to our growth in different ways and stages of life.
FAMILY: From childhood, our families teach us self-compassion, kindness, responsibility, honesty, the importance of respecting boundaries, how to form friendships, and how to comfort others.
What is family? Per the dictionary, “family is a group of two or more persons related by birth, marriage, or adoption who live together; all such related persons are considered as members of one family.”
Therefore, growth comes from several members of the family. We learn about emotional connections and crucial life skills through family interactions. We also develop trust and learn to navigate relationships, among other things.
The values we learn from family contribute to our workplace and life, such as communication and time management.
Communication skills learned from family, such as being open and honest, can lead to an ability to express thoughts and ideas clearly in the work place, enhancing collaboration with colleagues and resolving conflicts.
— If the family does not communicate openly, specific skills will be lacking, such as difficulty translating thoughts and ideas expressing concerns or needs in the workplace, and will be more likely to engage in negativeness.
Time-management skills learned from family, such as having responsibilities like house chores, help with learning to set priorities and guidelines, which is important for managing time in the workplace.
—If the family did not grow up, having responsibilities such as house chores or planning activities, to name a few, could contribute to procrastination. Skills could improve by being mindful, aware, and committed to intentionally growing.
FRIENDS can provide support, companionship, laughter, personal growth, and fresh perspectives. As well as different interests to understand and share feelings, help navigate life challenges, and give constructive feedback.
What is friendship? Per the dictionary, “An attachment to a person, proceeding from intimate acquaintance, and a reciprocation of kind offices, or from a favorable opinion of the amiable and respectable qualities of his mind.”
Best Friends share a deep bond, have an emotional connection, confide in one another, and rely on each other for support, which can last a lifetime.
We have to understand each other and learn each other’s mindset. For example, I had a great BESTY from college. We trusted one another 100% and did much together.
Our friendship evolved in different ways as we matured and reached certain life stages. I became more opinionated with her choices of men. One, in particular, had a financial advantage over her and used it to his full ability.
Watching and hearing her struggles was challenging, so I loaned her a large sum of money (YEP, NEVER LOAN MONEY YOU CAN NOT GIVE AWAY). My mistake 1: I reminded her every two to three weeks that a payment was due, and finally, after two months, she went off on me.
She reminded me of how I spent money on expensive shoes and handbags and to give her a break. She used my past vulnerabilities against me, aiming directly at my heart. So, our friendship ended.
Lesson learned: only ask a person for money back twice and let it go. It was not the money that ended our friendship but the words used to hurt. However, the money-initiated feeling she had of me for years.
Pretend Friends, aka Fake Friends who show up for all functions, appear supportive, yet are not genuine to anyone but for what they could get from the person. They are manipulative, betray you as soon as you walk away, and spread rumors before you get out the door by texting someone to gossip about you. They silently compete with you, want all you have, gossip about your flaws, and pay no attention to your disappointments.
We all at some point, experience a pretend friend. My pretend friend is a fashion enthusiast, knowledgeable about different designer brands, and provides guidance on finding reasonable prices, so I keep her for that knowledge and try to ALWAYS find the good in her. Otherwise, I leave her on the bookshelf and take her down as needed, as she does me.
There are also Acquaintances (we know well but do not have a deep, close relationship. We interact sporadically).
There are Work friends (relationships develop in a professional setting. Provide emotional support, lend a listening ear, and make the work environment more enjoyable).
There are Common-interest friends (have shared interests, share hobbies, activities, and share experiences.)
Remember, regardless of the type, friendships offer meaningful connections and support in our lives and growth.
The values we learn from friends contribute to our workplace and life positively and negatively.
Positive friendship lessons cross over to the workplace, teaching being reliable, dependable, and accountable for actions (as I was realizing my part was wrong in my friendship break-up), encouragement (due to being there for friends), help others develop a sense of belonging, and understanding challenging times and disagreements.
Negative friendship lessons cross over to the workplace by gossiping, spreading rumors, sharing personal information, not knowing when to offer genuine support or feedback, and holding back helpful information for others to grow and use personal information to sabotage others.
ENEMIES/FRENEMY: someone who pretends to be friendly with you but secretly harbors negative intentions to compete with you.
A few Signs to watch for are: favors are needed often, and their emotional needs outweigh yours. They question the motives and sincerity of others, often because of their lifestyle.
This person is consistently negative and confrontational. For example, you go out to eat, and the person often finds something wrong to call upon the server whenever you go out.
Each time you converse with the person, they gossip about others. They display ill intentions and manipulate situations to their advantage.
If they constantly gossip about others, they talk about you behind your back, so be aware and cautious.
Tips on handling frenemies:
- Maintaining personal boundaries.
- Trying not to engage in gossip and chatter.
- Limiting conversation.
- Having good thoughts of the person.
- Keeping YOUR DISTANCE.
Please pay attention to the negative comments made, and always pay attention to your gut and what it tells you.
Silent enemies have internal negative feelings towards you and resent you. Yet, display kindness openly to you and do not express their disapproval or dislikes.
They hold grudges and engage in subtle negative behavior to sabotage your character.
Silent enemies are challenging to identify because they demonstrate positivity, support, and encouragement and pretend to be happy about your accomplishments.
Tips on attempting to identify the silent enemies:
- Pay attention to the non-verbal cues and body language.
- Listen to the sarcastic comments and the backhanded compliments.
- Stay mindful of their social media posts and comments.
- Pay attention to acknowledgments made.
- What is their behavior around others?
We gain growth and wisdom from a various individuals and life experiences, including our families, friendships, and even those who may be considered enemies.
Having an open mind can move us in positive directions from all experiences to shape our personal growth and development.
If we want a fulfilled life, we must stay open to learning and growing from all that appears. View all criticism (good and bad) as an opportunity to learn, grow, and become the person you choose to become.
- Understand insults could be verbal or written expressions intended to offend, belittle, or degrade someone.
- Criticism could be a thoughtful evaluation or assessment of something or someone, often with the intent to provide feedback or point out areas for improvement.
- Reflect on yourself by asking what behavior contributed to receiving the present outcome and if your demeanor or actions triggered fear in the person who is during the criticizing.
Everyone’s journey is unique, and developing resilience helps us accept these differences.
It is a process of cultivating self-reflection and embracing adversity as opportunities for growth.
Please continue to share your thoughts and experiences.
As always, I am here and listening. Thanks again for tuning in and sharing your thoughts.